Companion Planting

The Vegetable Gardner's Bible by Edward C. Smith talks about garden planning as being time well spent and I couldn't agree more. For me, garden planning is one of the few highlights of winter in Maine!  My visioning often coincides with some big football event.  The Superbowl perhaps?  I don't know for sure.  I'm too busy with my nose in gardening books, catalogs, and magazines.  I grab a pile of my favorites, kiss my husband goodnight, and head for the bedroom.  He calls it my "housewife porn," but I'm pretty sure don't have a problem.  It's not hurting anyone, right?

So back to garden planning... part of the planning that Smith's 'Bible' discusses is the "buddy system" for plants.  "Some plants have a synergistic relationship with certain other plants.  One or both of them grow better, yield more, and sometimes even taste better when they grow near one another.  These are often called 'companion plants'." 

Now isn't that just the coolest thing?  Beets simply thrive in the presence of bush beans, cabbage, corn, leek, lettuce, lima beans, onion, and radish.  Eggplant may be finicky wallfowers, but they do enjoy spending time with bush bean, peas, pepper,and potato.  And the uber-extraverted tomatoes are psyched to hang out with asparagus, basil, bee balm, bush bean, cabbage, carrot, celery, chive, cucumber, garlic, head lettuce, marigold, mint, nasturtium, onion, parsley, pepper, and pot marigold.

So I assume you know where I'm going to go with this one.  People too can have synergistic relationships in various arenas:  romantically, artistically, professinally, and so on.  But just like plants, the presence of certain others may be merely neutral, while some are downright aversive.  I know that there are some folks with whom I thrive and blossom, whereas with others I feel like withering. You know what I'm talking about here, right?

Synergistic relationships can lead to prolific growth and blossoming.  I recently heard an interview with the creators of South Park and they are a great example of long-term, mutually thriving relationship with great productivity.  How about The Beatles?  Abigail and John Adams?  I remember the very moment I first locked eyes with the man who is now my husband.  There was just something familiar in his smile, soothing in his voice, and comforting in his presence.  After nine years, I would say that our companionship has been pretty bountiful.  We certainly have healthy, colorful, and vibrant offshoots!

In On Narcissism Freud's "On Narcissism: An Introduction" (Contemporary Freud Series),  Freud theorizes that the idealization of love objects often has to do with the deficits in our ego.  In some cases, a "Cure By Love" is successful and other times it can lead to an excessive dependence on the partner.  Making sure you are the healthiest specimen you can be precipitates finding a healthy companion and bountiful harvest.  What are the deficits in your ego?  What can you do to become healthier?  Psychotherapy can be very helpful (see how to find the right therapist link below).  Examine your deficits, where they originated, and what you can do to heal them to be a Super Seeding, cape and all.

Back to the Garden Bible, Smith's first step in planning is to "eliminate antagonistic relationships" or the "inhibitors":  His terms, not mine!  Once again gardening, interpersonal relationships, and mental health are marvelously analagous!  There are some amazon links I attached below to books that have great insights and tips in identifying and weeding out the inhibitors in your life.  Again, psychotherapy be very helplful with this.  You get to talk about your unhealthy relationships for an entire hour, hear yourself as you define these problems, acknowledge your participation with a supportive person, and get some unbiased feeback from a trained professional.  Al Anon groups are also a great option.  They are free, confidential, you don't have to talk if you don't want to, listen to and learn from other people's experiences, and the meetings addess codependence and establishing boundaries in toxic relationships.

So a carrot walks into my therapy office...... (no, not the setup for a joke).  Presumably said carrot's primary complaint is resulting in a failure to thrive in some way.  A la Freud, we might explore things like the carrot's early germination, growing environment, soil and weather conditions.  We would discuss how that has shaped her thoughts, beliefs, self-concept, behaviors, and of course her relaionships.  During this process we would look at what things are within this carrot's control.  Might she re-evaluate some of her thoughts and behaviors that are not serving her well?  In examining relationships, we would likely discover that celery, dill, and parsnip are stunting her growth.  So can she limit her exposure them somehow?  Will she choose to move to a different garden?   Are there other ways to increase her nutrients, rain, and sun?

Way back in my hipster Boston days I went to a party thrown by a cool, artsy couple who were, by the way, synergistic blossomers.  At the door entrance there was a table for what looked like name tags.  But tnstead of "hello my name is" stickies, they were typed quotes for you to choose from and wear.  I chose a quote that said, "Surround yourself with people who respect and treat you well."  That piece of paper has been long since misplaced and I can't seem to find the author, but I loved that quote!  It has come to mind many times in my contemplations about friendships, relationships, and family. 

Now 41, much less hip but a whole lot wiser (subjective opinion), I look back with a little embarassment and humility at my poor companion choices and wasted time, even with marvelous quote in hand.  I suppose with gardening, there is a rigorous process performed by the brightest of horticulturalists and master gardeners to discover which plants work best with which.  So I'll chalk up some of my past to... well.... research I guess.

Regardless of your past and present, it is always important to plan for your future garden.  Remember that you deserve to thive and blossom - true that!  Take good care and choose your companions well!

Weeding Plants and People

I hated weeding as a child.  It was a chore that required completion in order to not only receive my weekly allowance, but to also avoid punishment from my erratic father (the latter of which was ALWAYS a priority in our house).  I recall many a summer day weeding in the garden when all I really wanted to be doing is riding my bike, building a treehouse, or playing kickball.  Weeding was tedious and boring and interfered with fun with my neighborhood friends.

At times weeding was even difficult, especially in the rows of early corn.  It was hard to differentiate between the weeds and the seedlings.  One time my father was weeding a few yards behind me and pulled out all of the weeds I had not pulled, at risk of them being corn seedlings.  Very sternly my father commanded my attention, pointed out the lookalike weeds on the ground, and claimed that they were corn.  My heart sunk, believing that I had pulled out these precious seedlings.  Then my heart began to race, fearing the ensuing punishment from this erratic grown-up.  But instead he began to laugh and fessed up.  My heart still lodged fimly in my throat, I attempted to laugh as well.  This was his idea of a joke.  It's my idea of anxiety.

Perhaps this is why I like to weed when I am anxious and/or angry.  Instead of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person, I scold the weeds with severe displeasure at their very existence.  I reprimand them for daring take up precious nutrients and space in my garden.  And finally I pull them, trying to pull up as much of their subterranean evidence as possible, leaving their roots to dry in the sun before moving their withered carcasses to an undiclosed location. 

In addition to becoming sociopathic while weeding, I also become philosophic.  I can't help but ponder things liked, "What is a weed, anyway?"  Seriously!  Think about it!  I loved dandelions as a child and was utterly baffled by my father's insistance that they were evil.  Now I understand why.  And how about invasives like evening primrose or wild morning glory?  They are beautiful yes, but they will crowd out your other precious babies.  I took some evening primrose from my MIL's "wild area" and put some in my tiny 0.21 acre lot.  Big mistake.  They are lovely to begin with, then they began crowding out my lillies, my sage, and overtaking my lawn.  Like a total chucklehead I even shared some with my neighbors (sorry guys...). 

So what is a weed, anyway?  The omniscient Wiki says:

A weed in a general sense is a plant that is considered by the user of the term to be a nuisance, and normally applied to unwanted plants in human-made settings such as gardens, lawns or agricultural areas, but also in parks, woods and other natural areas. More specifically, the term is often used to describe native or nonnative plants that grow and reproduce aggressively.[1] Generally, a weed is a plant in an undesired place.

Hmmm... which gets me all philosophical again.  I start thinking about some of the people in my life as weeds that need uprooting or that I have uprooted, somtimes angrily, sometimes by accident, and sometimes without even realizing it.  Do you have any of these people-weeds in your life?  Pretty perhaps, but invasive?  Aggressive?  Sun stealing?  Nutient robbing?  A general nuisance?

Yes, uprooting undesirable plants was definitely a boring chore as a child and a teenager.  Weeding out peers sometimes came naturally, but I often did it with too much venom, much like my family.  Cut off your nose to spite your face sort of stuff.  Weeding out grown-ups was a whole different story.  It was not possible.  They were always there to contend with.  I lived on their turf.  I attended their schools.  I was born into their world.  Many of them I liked, but some of the ones closest to me were pretty toxic.  You know, like the seed packets that warn you not to use around children.  Some parents should come with such labels.

As an adult, weeding out people still comes with a lot of confusion and frustration.  "But he's pretty." "But she smells good."  "But dammit she's strangling me and sucking the nurtients from my soil!"  And when is enough enough?  I guess that it varies from person to person, plot to plot, season to season.  It can depend on how much nutrients you have available to share.  It can depend upon your definition of a weed.  After all, one person's weed is another person's rose.  So do you put up with the invasive despite your mounting frustration?  When and how do make the decision that they have to go?  And what method do you choose?  Do you attack violently with a hoe?  Cathartic perhaps, but you may not get all of the roots.  Do you go all Round-Up on them and risk the organic nature what you have been cultivating? 

I am trying ever so hard to be thoughtful about the weeds I pull and how I pull them.  If I do it correctly, I can do it with compassion and effectiveness.  Difficult, no?  As a child, I could not weed out my family.  They met many of the criteria of weeds, but I was not a full-fledged-farmer yet.  All my siblings and I had learned about weeding people involved bulk quantities of Rouind-Up.  For example, out of four siblings, I don't think that any of us are on good terms with another at present.  It's all hoes, pitchforks, arsenic, and lighter fluid.  Not much thoughtful or empathic about it.  At this point I have a respectful relationship with my father and mother, but I certainly do not expect it to bloom into a gorgeous bouquet.  I have not weeded them out thoroughly like my sibs have at various points in their lives.  But I visit them sparingly.  This limits the amount of "aggressiveness" I am exposed to, the amount of nutrients they can take, and the amount of sun they may block.

Although I was not handed tools to weed thoughtfully and effectively, I am trying.  Honest, I am.  Deep down inside, I still just want to build a clubhouse with my good friends.  A good resource that I have used for weeding people and drawing/maintaining boundaries is a book called "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier.  It is especially relevent when dealing with weeds of an especially toxic, substance abusing, invasive, personality disordered, nutrient sucking nature.  And of course a classic is definitely "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner.  She eloquently guides women through "weeding" in an effective yet environmentally friendly, non Round-Up manner.  And of course there's always therapy.  It's so helpful to lay it all down and look critically at the relationships in your life.

These are the contents of my brain while weeding my gardens.

May your gardens be free of weeds and may your methods of extraction be effective and compassionate.